Self introduction letter

January 20, 2021

Subject: Self-introductory email

Dear Professor Blackstone,

My name is Darren Ho, and I am a year 1 Civil Engineering student in your module. I graduated from Ngee Ann Polytechnic in 2017 with a diploma in Mechanical Engineering. In 2019, I attended a 3-week AutoCAD course organized by the National Trade Union Congress (NTUC) learning hub to refine my AutoCAD skills.

After serving my National Service, I helped my father at his own company, which manufacture doors. He got involved in multiple projects such as Mass Rapid Transit (MRT) projects and I had the opportunity to help him with some work related to AutoCAD for three months. This work includes editing and crafting drawings. Furthermore, I also edited the dimensions of the doors in the drawings as well. With this experience, I decided to enrol in this course to learn more about construction and follow my father’s footsteps to get involved in more of these projects to give back to the community.

My hobbies include bowling and running. I am an active person and enjoy getting involved in sports-related activities. I also have represented Ngee Ann Polytechnic in two bowling competitions. Getting involved in these activities keeps me fit and healthy and increased my social circle as well.

My communication strength is that I always listen to what people say before giving feedback. I believe that being a good listener is part of effective communication. The reason is that it can build a strong sense of trust between me and my classmates. Furthermore, I can understand what the speaker intends to say so as to provide a satisfactory reply to him or her.

As for my weakness is that I tend to get nervous whenever I speak in front of a large audience. The reason is that I tend to overthink that the audience would say negative things about me after I present. As a result, I tend to stutter a lot and hence my confidence level drops whenever there are presentations. I hope that I can improve in this area so that I could be a confident speaker in the near future.

Warmest Regards,

Darren Ho

Group 6 (CVE 1281)

Revision Number: 2

Revised on: 3/4/2021

Revised based on Randall's, Dzulhair's, Professor Brad's, Yunhuang's and Aasiq's comments

Comments

Brad BlackstoneJanuary 21, 2021 at 6:47 PM
Thanks for posting, Darren. I look forward to reading the letter and also reading the comments of your peers.

By the way, the use of italics makes this a bit difficult to read. FYI.
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Randall OngJanuary 22, 2021 at 9:08 AM
Hi Darren, your email was coherent and courteous and I enjoyed reading it. The use of punctuation can be improved. For example, in your third paragraph second sentence, "Getting involved in these activities not only keeps me fit and healthy. It increased my social circle at the same time". Instead of a full stop, a comma should be used. Hope this helps!
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Brad BlackstoneJanuary 23, 2021 at 9:17 PM
Dear Darren,

Thank you for this fairly detailed introductory letter. You cover the parameters of the assignment and illustrate to some extent with examples so that it is rather informative but it can be moreso. I'm impressed, for example, by your stated interest in following in your dad's footsteps, but I'd like more of an explanation of what that means -- what is your dad's company? what is his job? -- and why that is true. Why do you want to follow?

You do a decent job developing other segments of this post, but I'd still like to less of a listing (strength, weakness, goals) and more of a robust explanation. I'd also like greater clarity in terms of language use. There are many issues to consider:

You write as follows: "Even though we are in phase 3 in re-opening, several sports events were cancelled or postponed. I hope that when the country is back to normal, more of these events can resume." This info, though important, doesn't seem to be a priority in this letter

1. sentence structure
-- Getting involved in these activities not only keeps me fit and healthy. It increased my social circle at the same time. > (conventional expression and verb tense inconsistency)
-- My communication strength is that I listen to people to whatever they intend to say before giving my feedback.
>
My communication strength is that I listen to people and try to understand whatever they intend to say before giving my feedback.

2. words/phrasing
-- to refining my AutoCAD skills. > (wrong word form)
-- During that time, I edited AutoCAD drawings and creating them if necessary. > (lack of parallel structure in the verbs.) ?
-- The reason is that it can build a strong sense of trust between each other. > (Who is the subject for 'each other'? You need to express that subject before using each other.) ?

There's lots of potential here. I look forward to seeing how you can expand on this first draft.

Cheers,

Brad
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DzuhairJanuary 25, 2021 at 5:08 AM
Hi Darren, I have to commend you for being able to achieve all the parameters given in writing this letter. It is very descriptive.

Few notes to point out:

- It is not concise. Personally I felt that this sentence "It increased my social circle at the same time. Even though we are in phase 3 in re-opening, several sports events were cancelled or postponed. I hope that when the country is back to normal, more of these events can resume." should not be in the article. It is unnecessary in this context.

- ''In 2019, I attended a 3-week AutoCAD course organized by NTUC learning hub to refining my AutoCAD skills.'' The abbreviation, NTUC should be spelt out. It is important for readers to understand better and know what this abbreviation stands for.

-''The reason is that when I enter the workforce, I may need to present a presentation to a large audience and write important emails to people of higher seniority.'' The sentence structure doesn't seem right to me.

I hope we can all correct and learn from our mistakes and improve ourselves better in communication.

Cheers,
Brother Dzu
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YunhuangFebruary 1, 2021 at 5:48 AM
Hi Darren, your introduction email is courteous and complete. However, I find the sentence "My communication strength is that I listen to people to whatever they intend to say before giving my feedback." can be simplify as "My communication strength is that I always listen to what people say before giving feedback."

Thanks & regards,
YH Wu
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Aasiq AhamedFebruary 4, 2021 at 11:14 AM
Dear Darren,

I liked how informative your introductory letter was. You gave many examples and details. I understand the the main interest for you is AutoCAD before you decided to pursue civil engineering degree. You mentioned that you did some AutoCAD work in your dad’s company, maybe you could mention what exactly did you do in your AutoCAD. Like did you draw where the doors would go or did you design the doors that were used the projects. I hope this helps you.

Cheers,
Aasiq
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